Wednesday, January 18, 2006

It got worse

You know, after the day I had last week, I thought I had hit rock bottom, work-wise. Not so. I shed tears in my boss boss's office yesterday. It was ugly, oh, so ugly.The unfortunate incident from last week manifested into a Huge Deal. I was not directly responsible, but I am shouldering most of the blame because I am a supervisor. Yes, I am partially (yet indirectly) responsible, but I don't think that they needed to make me cry about it. Although I cry very easily (I bawled during March of the Penguins a couple weeks ago), I have never done it in front of anyone at work, especially not my boss boss. Things were better today, I just wonder if the worst is over. Stay tuned to see if I am still employed in a few days! HA! (If I lose my job, how will I pay for my knitting?)

My previous lowest point in my career occurred during and after my prelimary oral exam my second year of grad school. It was made clear to me that day that I had no desire, skills, or will to get my PhD. I don't have the brain for it. I don't want to be creative. I want someone to tell me what to do and then I'll do it. And I'll do it well.

I think that's why I like knitting. Call me strange, but I LOVE to follow directions. I have little desire at this point to create my own patterns or even stray far from someone else's pattern. Just let me knit according to the directions and I'll be happy.

My Jaywalker is progressing nicely, although I had wanted to be on to the second sock by now. Oh well. I had a moment of panic last weekend when I tried this baby on. Everyone has been talking about how tight they are and I wanted to make sure I was OK before completing the heel. I got it on without too much trouble, but then I realized I had nothing really to grab onto to pull it off. PANIC! Deep breath. Deep breath. Gently wiggle out. It came off and the needles stayed in. Whew.

I can only hope that I get through this tight spot at work without losing my mind. Breathe. Knit. Breathe. Knit.


Blogger Terby said...

It's nice to have knitting for times like this. Any day that makes you think about prelims is just not a good one. And for what it's worth, I'm sure you have the skills to get a Ph.D. That degree isn't about ability as much as a perverse need to beat your head against a wall.

I hope it gets better soon.

The Jaywalker is looking really nice.

8:25 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

Oh Jenny, that really sucks! It makes me want to go give those ogres a little talking to and tell 'em to leave you alone or else! Hang in there. If you do lose your job, I'll keep you in yarn until you find a new one.

3:32 PM  

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